Real Thoughts

I love Sheryl Sandberg.  

It was love at first sight when I read her New Yorker profile, and my feelings were cemented by her TED talk. For those who might not know, Sandberg is COO of Facebook and the person credited with remaking the ubiquitous social network site into a respectable business. Although Sandberg rose through the ranks of a male-centered industry, she managed to maintain her femininity. In her TED talk, she comes across as personable and confident yet soft-spoken and warm. She is not one of the guys, but she can still beat them at their own game.

During her TED talk, Sandberg discusses the lack of female leaders in business and politics. She shares some of her best advice for changing that gender imbalance. Sandberg encourages women to “sit at the table,” speak up, and share their ideas. This particularly struck me since, as a woman, I understand the struggle of trying to lead while trying to shush that little inner voice that prompts me to be a good girl.

Sandberg also asks women not to “leave before they leave” or to give up on their professional ambitions once they decide to go have children; this is a valid point, yet it might be more of a systematic problem than a personal one. At least twice, I’ve been asked during a job interview if I had children (this question is, of course, illegal, but that didn’t seem to matter). One interviewer went as far as to explain to me that he was asking because the open position required a high level of commitment and long hours, and it was the company’s opinion that a woman with children would not be the best fit for the role. I don’t have children yet; however, this interviewer’s candor made me wonder about my career prospects. How am I supposed to get the jobs I want in the future when those doing the hiring will think I can’t do the job because I have kids?

Right now, female leaders in Sheryl Sandberg’s position are the exception, but the goal should be to make them commonplace. Women at every tier must work toward individual goals and systematic changes that will create better opportunities for fellow female professionals. And, maybe one day, I won’t have to worry about being asked if I have kids during job interviews.

Last week, I attended a networking event.  Networking is a big word in business school. Just like my mother’s cure-all herbal teas, networking is spoken about like the cure to any ailment.

I believe networking can be useful, if we only know what it really is. Chances are that if you ask someone what networking is, they will say something like, “You know, networking.” Not very enlightening, right?

I think that the first problem with networking is the actual word. I would prefer something like netbuilding. After all, that’s what we’re trying to accomplish: to build a network of people who want to see us succeed and who will be available for help, advice, contacts and good wishes.

Although the word “work” is not part of netbuilding, it does require some effort. Keith Ferrazzi in his book “Never Eat Alone” (which I recommend as a good and informational read) talks about keeping track of everyone he knows in order to make sure he contacts each person at least once a year, and also calls them on their birthdays.

Netbuilding should come naturally by meeting people and nourishing the relationship for years. But these relationships should not be phony and grounded in self-interest; instead they should develop from genuine interest in who our connections are, what they need, and how we can help them.  Netbuilding is about making everyone in our network better off, not just us.

Netbuilding, or for that matter, networking, is not a quick fix; it’s not something that we can just pick up and do when we’re looking for a job. Netbuilding is a way of life that must be followed and perfected over the years. It might sound like a lot of work, but it sure sounds better than pushing your business cards to dozens of strangers in a crowded room, while drinking cheap wine at yet another networking event.

Being born in 1981, I have the honor of belonging to a not very exclusive group of individuals dubbed the “Millennials,” or “Generation Y,” or “Baby Boomlets” depending on who is doing the talking. Many experts fear we’ll be the first generation in over a century to do worse than our parents. We face crippling and fast ballooning college debt, health care costs, and in the not so distant future, higher taxes meant to pay down debt created before most of us could even vote.

That’s a lot to put in one group of people, yet as a generation we are continuously being criticized and belittled. Words that have been said about the Millennials include “pampered,” “entitled,” and “spoiled.” Just recently Ruben Navarrette Jr. posted on CNN’s website that “Americans need to ‘reboot’ the millennial generation” since we’re “unequipped for setbacks” and “feel entitled to the best of everything.”

At a seminar that I attended recently, the speaker talked about how Millennials refuse to “pay their dues,” instead expecting instant gratification. I won’t vouch for every member of my generation; however, in my experience, most Millennials are creative, ambitious, friendly, innovative, and highly educated. And when it comes to paying dues, in my experience, dues are not a problem as long as there is meaning to the work to be done.

The U.S. is drowning in debt and the future of the social safety nets created at the beginning of the Twentieth Century might not be around by the time my generation retires. Every passing day, I’m more and more convinced that I might never be able to retire, so if I’m going to have to work for the rest of my life, I want to enjoy going to work. I want my efforts to mean something.

But it is not all doom and gloom for Millennials, as I truly believe that we have what it takes to stand up to the challenges we face. I will even go as far as to say that, one day, we might come to be known as “The Second Greatest Generation.”  While the Greatest Generation had World War II and the Great Depression, the Millennials have the Great Recession, multiple wars in the Middle East, climate change, and a looming energy crisis. These are challenges indeed, yet just like our forefathers, we may have the untapped potential to challenge the status quo and redefine our time in history.